hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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