He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
