i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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