she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
