I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
