hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
