this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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