in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
