turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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