can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
