Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
