i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
