i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
