Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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