Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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