he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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