Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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