God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
