Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
