just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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