I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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