How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
even my farts smell like vagina
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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