Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
