I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
