but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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