awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Less talking, more tequila
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
