after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
