Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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