God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize