3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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