he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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