Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
