We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize