FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Let's paint friendship bongs
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
