i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
