he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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