he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
