Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
