JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
