They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
