i would punch a child for taco bell
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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