what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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