Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
