if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
