This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
