Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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