K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
