then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
