Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I smell stomach acid.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
