yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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