Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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