I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
