I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
