captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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