you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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