hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I understand Curling. That high.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
