ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
