i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
