bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
