Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
