its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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