T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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