i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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